On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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