i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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