If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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