When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just forgot I was standing up.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
