worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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