She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
