Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
