is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
