Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
