today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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