:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
