i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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