Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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