and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Boobs speak an international language.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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