Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
