thus making me awesome and them whores
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
this will be a night to untag.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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