I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
