I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
