Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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