This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
