i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
