I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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