Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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