I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
