I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
