totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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