And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I am available for nakedness
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
