That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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