Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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