Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
