she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
