Michael Bay diarrhea
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
