Where is the hickey?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
