I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
