I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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