I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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