I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
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She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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