I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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