Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
