....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
