my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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