He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
