Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
