Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
