my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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