If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
