update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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