did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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