Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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