Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
