I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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