I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
This is my gift to your gina
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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