he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
