if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
did i walk over a car last night?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
