for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So vagazzling was a success
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
