So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
