Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
