You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
