I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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