Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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