Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
