Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
