I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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