Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
