If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
