Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
