Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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