Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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