I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
