Joe is yelling at the trees again.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
