id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
