Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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