So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
