I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
