I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
