can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
