Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
