took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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