Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize