he wants to bone in the snuggie
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
