the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
