Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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