So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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