I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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