I wish life had little blips of pornography
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
