So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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