She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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