I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
