You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
