I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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