how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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